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Me: 20 year old bay area bitch, originally from crunkville. You may call me Mrs. Corn Syrup. Go away; I love you.

i apologize to the person’s cake i kept stealing pieces of at stud bar last night

i wasn’t eating any, just moving them to different tables 

i also apologize for being pretty much naked all night 

lilbitchbaby:

I am getting 0 attention atm and I don’t like it.

jk

lol

two best friends with phds (one is married, one is an eccentric straight drag queen) are fighting over me and i am laughing so much 

getting serious phone calls all day talking about our future makin’ me uncomfortable

unfollovving:

If a guy is mean to you just send him this pic

unfollovving:

If a guy is mean to you just send him this pic

"tina had a long wait ‘til she got to the buffet. let her pig out."

something that i just heard on bob’s burgers that i relate to.